The Twitch Files
by luna-frostmoone
Summary: Hark those faint of laughing. This collection of sad, sad tales will break one's title of laughless...Read, but be prepared to laugh until your sides hurt!
1. It Has Feelings, Too!

Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story are mine or Ari's, (though we wish…) They are, for all intents and purposes Rumiko Takahashi's, Yu Watase's, Yoshihiro Togashi's, Nobuhiro Watsuki's, and Kazuki Takahashi's. So there! I wrote the disclaimer. You happy now, Ari?

_**The First Incident**_

It Has Feelings, Too!!

by Luna

"Kuwabara!" Yusuke screamed up the stairs.

"Whadda ya want, Urameshi?" Kuwabara screamed back.

"Why don't you both shut up?!" Kurama yelled from in front of the T.V., unable to hear the program he was watching.

"How about we all shut up?!" Hiei yelled as he came out of the kitchen. He had been cooking lunch.

Kuwabara did a faceplant on the stairs while Yusuke pointed and laughed moronically.

"What... is so funny?" Hiei asked, coming out of the kitchen into the hall.

Kurama came into the hallway and immediately stopped. He cocked an eyebrow and pointed at Hiei questioningly.

Hiei looked down and then looked back at everyone while he turned a bright shade of red, realizing what had just happened.

"Where did you get that?" Inu-Yasha asked as he walked into the kitchen behind Kurama, looking for food.

"It came yesterday. I ordered it about a week ago." Hiei said.

Inu-Yasha dropped the bag of chips he found, Kurama sweatdropped, and Kuwabara and Yusuke lay on the ground laughing.

"What is it?" Miroku yelled from the living room.

"Oh nothing! It's just Hiei's adorable little apron!" Kuwabara yelled between laughs.

"HAHAHAHA-" Miroku began to laugh.

"Miroku! Shut up! Be nice to poor wittle Hiei!" Sesshó said as he smacked Miroku over the head.

"Say 'wittle' one more time and I'm gonna beat your wittle face in." Hiei warned as he took off his apron.

"Awww... Is poor wittle Hiei getting weally angry now?" Sesshó asked in a mocking, childish voice.

Inu Yasha stood twitching. "Sesshó, stop... You're an embarrassment to nature."

"Listen to dog-boy, _Fluffy_." Hiei growled coldly, glaring at them.

"Ooh! Well, wittle Hiei's weally mad now isn't he? Uh oh, he's going to twy and beat me up now, isn't wittle Hiei?"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"This is really stupid." Kaiba whispered to Chichiri. (The rest of the people in the house had heard the commotion and came to see what was happening.)

"No da."

"Okay, okay. Break it up." Yugi said as he stepped in between Sesshó and Hiei.

"Watch your back, _Fluffy_." Hiei said.

Tap, tap, tap. Hiei turned around to look at Kurama. "What?!?!"

Kurama pointed at Yusuke and Kuwabara. Everyone looked down the hallway and twitched.

"I love that pillow!" Yusuke cried.

"It's a pillow!" Kuwabara shot back.

"YOU THINK I'M WEIRD, WEARING AN APRON WHILE THIS STUPID HUMAN IS COMPLAINING ABOUT A PILLOW!?!?!" Hiei bellowed, outraged.

"Do not forget that it is frilly..." Kurama pointed out.

"EXACTLY!! IT'S A GREEN, FRILLY PILLOW, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!" Hiei yelled, bewildered at the pathetic weakness.

"Which is exactly what he's doing..." Shizuru mumbled to Inu.

All of a sudden, a little black pig burst through the door followed by a girl with red hair. Everyone looked at them and sighed.

Yukina and Akane got up, got some warm water and threw it (literally) on Ryoga and Ranma. They began transforming, and when they stopped, they were sprawled out over the ground.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE????!!!" Shampoo screamed randomly.

"Ummm... Shampoo, calm down... It's just Ranma and Ryoga." Sango said.

Blink-blink

"Anyway... Kuwabara! Just gimme back my pillow!" Yusuke yelled quickly.

Everyone did a faceplant.

"IS THAT ALL YOU THINK ABOUT???!!!" Hiei yelled.

"Obviously." Kurama whispered.

"Hey! Please Kuwabara! I'll do anything!" Yusuke begged.

"It's just a stupid pillow!" Kuwabara replied as he threw the pillow down the stairs.

Yusuke ran up the stairs and proceeded to beat the snot out of Kuwabara right in front of Yukina and everyone else, as usual.

"Well, looks like Yusuke's back to normal." Shizuru said as they all went back to the T.V.

"Kurama! Do you have to sit three inches from the T.V.?" Botan yelled.

"Yes." Kurama said as Yusuke came into the living room clutching his pillow, having finished beating Kuwabara senseless...


	2. Vacation's a Doozy

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone in these accounts, nor does Luna, but if Yoshihiro Togashi is willing to give up Hiei, you'd better believe I'd be the three-eyed demon's new owner...

_**The Second Incident**_

Vacation's A Doozy...

by Ari Sky

"Yes! Summ'r at las'!" Tasuki yelled, mock-stretching with a yawn.

"Tasuki, quit slacking and grab some suitcases. They aren't going to pack themselves and this is your fault, getting us signed up--"

"-you mean forc'd?"

"-yes, forced into doing all the hauling for this dumb cruise." Tamahome finished, a muscle spasm involuntarily twitching his eye.

Tasuki merely grumbled, took ahold of two more stuffed cases, and chucked them into the compartment of the group's charter bus. Tamahome missed whacking the bandit in the head by centimeters as he brought a few more bags. They death glared each other and continued in awkward silence.

"How is it going out here?" Kenshin asked, dragging out around ten more cases. "Here are some more. I think that is almost all, that I do."

"How can there be so many when we only have..... umm..... twelve girls?!" Tamahome asked.

"Only?! You're sayin' twelve ain't a lot?!" Tasuki yelled, eyes bulging.

"Well... true. Twelve females and 21 males will tend to create much baggage, especially when one of the guys crossdresses..." Tamahome trailed off as Nuriko came out with his hands on his hips.

"Were you saying something, Tamahome?" he asked as a vein popped out.

"Well, it's true!" Tamahome tried to defend himself.

"No it's not! Ranma crossdresses and so does..... umm..... umm..... darn. Fine! You win that round, Tamahome." Nuriko faltered.

"Hey! I don't crossdress! I wear clothes to suit my gender!" Ranma yelled, coming out of the house. He was followed by just about everyone else.

"Yeah, yeah. Just get on before you kill each other so we won't be late." Sesshó-Maru drawled, waiting in the drivers' seat.

"Umm... hey Sesshó, driving a bus is different than a car or motorcycle. Are you sure you should drive?" Kouga asked, climbing on.

"Are you suggesting something, kilt-boy?" Sesshó asked with a dangerous glare.

"Not at all..." Kouga answered, jumping back a bit.

"Oh, by the way," Yusuke yelled as he got on the bus. "we have five minutes to get to the dock!"

"WHAT!!?" they all yelled.

It took them about two seconds to all get on and be seated, right as Sesshó stomped on the gas.

"Uhh... Sesshó-Maru...?" Shizuru asked timidly, coming up to him.

"Sit back down, human, unless you want to die on a bus." Sesshó warned.

"I just wanted to say that THE LIGHT'S RED!! STOP!" she screamed, falling into a seat.

"We're in a hurry, for one," Inu-Yasha began. "And since when do lights apply to demons?!"

"Since it's my bus!" Sano yelled. "I'll get the ticket!"

The group fell silent except for the revving of the engine. Everyone's mouths were hanging open in stunned surprise. Suddenly, Sesshó-Maru yelled, for his tail had flown in front of him, blocking his vision.

Blink-blink

They looked at each other and slowly started laughing. This situation couldn't get any patheticer than it already had. Then, of course, it did.

"Oh my god, Sesshó, turn right, right now! We're going to go off the cliff!!" Kagome screamed.

The bus veered sharply to the right and Sesshó received several honks. He managed to get his tail out of the way, finally.

"I told you to watch your back, _Fluffy_, and if I'm not mistaken, your tail is attached to your backside." Hiei stated calmly with a sense of 'I told you so' as Sesshó growled.

They arrived at the dock about a minute later with about five cop cars following them. Everyone got out and grabbed as much as they could carry and ran to the ship, cops in close pursuit.

"Just leave the ticket under the wiper!" Sano yelled back, stunning the cops. He was the last one to board, quickly flashing his ticket. Sano plowed into the rest of the group, and they all fell down the stairwell, landing on top of one another.

"Ah... my head..." Kaiba moaned, holding his head.

"Can't we all just walk civilly to our rooms and NOT murder each other?!" Botan yelled, twitching with anger.

They all untangled themselves and sorted out whose luggage was whose. After explaining Sesshó and Kouga's tails and Inu's ears many times, everyone made it to their rooms. However...

"Why the hell am I sharing a room with this dufus?!" Yusuke yelled to no one in particular, pointing at Kuwabara.

"I dunno... but that's exactly what I'd like to know..." Ryoga sighed as he walked by.

"Have you even been to your room yet?" Kuwabara asked.

"Well... err... no. I couldn't find it." Ryoga answered sheepishly.

"You idiot. We'll take you. It's right next to ours," Tristan sighed as he and Joey sandwiched Ryoga and drug him off.

"Oh come on! Don't tell me I have to share a room with the pig!" Ranma yelled.

"I AM NOT SLEEPING IN THE SAME ROOM AS HIM!!" Inu practically screamed, storming out of his cabin.

"LIKE I WANT TO!" Sesshó yelled out the door after him.

"Who arranged these ship mates?" Tamahome asked. "Because I'm gonna kill 'em!"

"Got put with Tasuki?" Miaka asked, standing just inside her room with Mai.

"At least you all got put with the same gender! I feel so violated!" Nuriko declared in a dramatic tone.

"Nuriko, have you checked below lately? You're a guy, no da!" Chichiri sweatdropped.

"I wish I were with another gender..." Miroku trailed.

"What? Do you have problems with my kilt?" Kouga asked, fangs glistening. Suddenly a door burst open and Sano and Yahiko flew out, choking each other.

"I-AM-NOT-ROOMING-WITH-YOU-!" Yahiko wheezed.

"Right back at you, squirt!" Sano yelled.

"Did I not ask for civilization?!" Botan yelled, coming down the hall with Yukina. Keiko and Shizuru followed, as did Kagome and Sango.

"...a virtual wall if I have to!" Kaiba ended, leaving Yugi alone in their room. He turned around. "What?"

Everyone merely blinked.

"I AM NOT ROOMING WITH THIS PEACE-TALKING, THAT HE IS, COWARD!!" an explosion came from further down the hall.

"Hiei must be roomed with Kenshin." Yusuke said boredly.

"Now really, it won't be that bad, that it won't..." Kenshin tried to calm Hiei down. Hiei death glared the swordsman with all three eyes. Kenshin fell silent.

"Hey, where's Kurama?" Botan asked, looking about.

"I'm here." the fox-demon answered, mysteriously appearing as he often did. "I cannot believe it, there are T.V.s in our rooms, did anyone notice?" No one answered him, just stared with silent rage in their eyes. He took a small step back and looked at them all with a hint of defiance.

"Who are you paired with, Kurama, old buddy-old pal...?" Inu-Yasha asked, in a calm-before-the-storm kind of voice.

"Yeah... who are you paired with?" the rest of them asked.

"Well... I-I've got a cabin to myself..." he barely whispered. That statement was the final nail in his coffin. The rest of the group simultaneously blinked-twice-refocused on the red-haired, green-eyed, old-souled fox demon-thief and twitched. If anyone had happened to see this, they might have thought it was the Night (okay, Day) of the Living Dead. "I believe it would be best if I left now, and avoided any trouble..." Kurama quickly about-faced and strode away.

As what he had just said and done sunk in, a roar began to grow, coming from behind the demon. "Oh crap." he flat-out flew back into his room.

**LF/N:** Run, Kurama!!!

"Yeah, you'd better run, traitor. You can't hide forever. We'll get you." Kaiba called after him.

"Hey, Chichiri! You could ge' us in there!" Tasuki exclaimed, remembering Chichiri's powers.

"Yeah, and what's in it for me, no da?"

"What's the problem with someone having their own room?" Botan asked. "Besides, there's an odd number of us."

"BECAUSE I WANNA ROOM WITH HIM." almost everyone in the hall answered together.

"Are the pairs that bad? I thought I put everyone with someone they enjoyed spending time with..." Botan stopped short. "I'm betting I shouldn't have said that right then... uh-oh..."

The entire cast paired with someone they loathed began twitching horribly.

"Ohmigod, get away! Leave me alone! Excuse us! Coming through! Move it!" Botan yelled, flying through the halls on her oar. This was about the tenth ring around the ship they had made. "You'll never get me now!" she yelled, turning sharply to reveal a dead end. The people in front tried to stop, got run over by those behind, and everyone did a faceplant on various places while Botan escaped above deck. "Nyah!" Botan stuck out her tongue, believing the danger was past.

"You there!" Botan turned to find two crew-people rushing towards her. "How and where did you get that?"

"Oh, hello. Hmm? Wha-oh! You mean my oar? It's mine!" she smiled.

"That's very funny, miss, but if there were to be an emergency, whichever lifeboat you took that from would be in great distress."

"No, really! It's mine, see?" Botan let her oar disappear. The crew was speechless.

"There she is! Get Botan!" the group had managed to untangle and unfaceplant themselves in the time the crew had questioned Botan. Her oar reappeared and the Spirit Messenger took off. The chase resumed.

"Iron-reverse, soul stealer!" Inu-Yasha yelled, sending an attack towards Botan. She swerved and it missed by inches, tearing through a handrail and wall.

"Venom whip." Sesshó-Maru said, and his whip shot forward, wrapping around the oar. Inu-Yasha growled under his breath.

"Oh no you don't!" Botan called, her oar disappearing. Sesshó's whip fell to the ground. "You can't trap my oar. Think!"

The chase went around the deck several more times without anyone trying to stop Botan with attacks. Then...

"Dragon... of... the Darkness Flame!"

"That's definitely not good..." Botan heard the roar of the Dragon behind her and waited until she could bear its heat no longer. Then she dodged as fast as she could. The Darkness Flame crashed through the building in front of them and went below decks, taking out anything it came across.

"Hiei, you idiot! Call it back! This whole ship's gonna sink if it goes through the right place!" Sano yelled.

"I can't swim, I can't swim! I'm gonna die!" Tasuki wailed, clinging to Tamahome, who began twitching.

"Tasuki... you're not going to die... SO GET OFF!!" he yelled, still twitching.

Suddenly, a voice blared over the PA system. All hands, ready the lifeboats! I repeat, all hands, ready the lifeboats! Women and children are asked to come calmly to the nearest lifeboat with their life vest securely fastened. This is not a drill. I repeat...

"Oh that's just perfect. Now look what you fools have done! All I wanted was a relaxing vacation for a mere eleven days and what do I get on the first day? Mayhem. It's not fair!" Botan sank to her knees and started bawling.

"Come on, Botan... we'll get you another vacation... just stop crying..." Inu-Yasha, weak as always when a girl cried, tried to comfort her.

"But I wanted THIS one!!" she suddenly stopped crying, whipped out her oar, and began whacking the stunned demon.

"And he called me the embarrassment to nature..." Sesshó said, watching boredly.

"All of you, always trying to kill each other, always ruining my planning... I WANT US ALL IN ONE LIFEBOAT, NOW!! We're going to have a vacation-one way or another..." Botan said suddenly, dead calm and serious. The group looked at each other nervously. "NOW!"

The group managed to get into one lifeboat without any questions from the crew, who weren't really paying attention, just trying to get everyone onto a boat. Once they were all on and more or less settled, Botan took control of the motor. They were off before the crew had a chance to shout 'stop!'

"Okay, so tell me again why we're hijacking a life boat to go... who knows where and do who knows what?" Kaiba asked, still confused about the roommate problem from earlier.

"We're going to have a vacation without mayhem or disaster," Botan explained curtly, keeping her eyes on the water ahead. "and if it's on a deserted island, so be it. I'm sick of everyone trying to bite each other's heads off. So, deal with it."

"What?! You can't do this, Botan! There is absolutely no way you can keep us on an island isolated from the world, where there's possibly no contact with anyone for months! It's inhumane!" they all yelled.

"I'm not human, remember? I'm death."

Everyone on board the little vessel stared wide-eyed at the person, who was indeed death. They had obviously forgotten that tiny fact about the cheerful person they had trusted many things to recently. The only noise came from the crashing of the waves against the hull and the hum of the engine.

"I can't swim... I can't swim... I can't swim... I can't swi--OWW!! What was tha' for?!" Tasuki yelled as Nuriko whacked him.

"You were disturbing the peace of the death-bringing life boat. Who cares if you can't swim? We're in a boat, you nut job." he stated. They all took a quick glance at Botan and immediately shut up. She had a very nasty expression on her face and her hands were clenched.

"Hey! I think I see land!" Yugi suddenly cried.

"Really, do you mean it?" Keiko asked, peering in the direction the tenth grader was facing. "Hey! I see it too!"

"Then say your welcomes to it," Botan said in a chipper voice, vivacious once again. "because it will be your new home for as long as I see fit."

"Yeargggg!! I can't stand it anymore!! Let me go home already!! I wanna go home!" Yahiko yelled, after almost a week on the island Yugi had spotted.

"Shut up! Botan might hear you! She'll make us stay another week!" Kaoru shushed, bearly able to sustain her own frustration.

The island was a tropical paradise (sorry, Luna, had to say it...). There were trees laden with fruit, many fresh water streams, and the fishing was great. When people got sick of fish, Inu-Yasha or Kouga or Sesshó-Maru would go out and find some random mammal. They had managed to build a structure of palm fronds and bamboo thanks mainly to Kurama, because he remembered watching every episode of every season of 'Survivor...'

There was a tropical storm every day, and they collected much of their water from these short but heavy downpours. Ryoga and Shampoo remained in the shelter almost 24/7 for fright of being caught in one of the sudden bursts. However, Ranma, Ryoga, Kuwabara, and Tasuki had been secretly building another life raft, or so they thought. The raft was in Botan's schedule of happenings but she said nothing.

"Okay, guys. Today's the day we set out to get off this hunk of nothing. We're going to rejoin the real world!" Ranma whispered, even though they were all the way across the island,

they figured they couldn't take any chances.

"Who's gonna tes' it?" Tasuki asked.

"We'll ro-sham-bo for it. Unless someone wants to volunteer?"

"Nope, let's go." Ryoga answered.

They ended up forcing Ranma and Ryoga onto the craft for the test run. When Ryoga began walking the wrong way, they didn't know if it was his bad sense of direction or his want to get away. Once the raft was in the water and the subjects were boarded, Kuwabara and Tasuki pushed them off. They got out to around 100 yards off shore when Botan flew over the tree-top canopy towards them.

"Botan!" they all yelped.

"Hi, boys! What are you all doing over here? We've all been looking for you for a while now." she said with a hint of annoyance. They all looked at each other, fearing the worst and trying to decide which one of them gave them away.

"Well, lunch is waiting if you decide that trying to escape will only end in failure!" she smiled, got back on her oar and left the boys in shock.

"That was really random..." Kuwabara stated.

Out on the water, Ranma and Ryoga had began twitching. What they didn't notice was that they were going in opposite directions. They bashed into each other and knocked themselves out, which resulted in them falling off the raft.

"Hey, they could drown out there!" Kuwabara pointed out rather uselessly. Tasuki made no move to help. "Hey, come on, we gotta save them!"

"You'd only end up savin' me, too." Tasuki sulked. "Can't swim, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Anyway, I'll be back..." he said, running down the beach and into the crashing waves.

After they managed to make it back to shore, the group of four waited to recover some energy to hike back to the camp on the other side of the small island. They got back to the camp to find a letter in the sand.

Escapees:

Since you did not come, we figured you didn't want a ride back to the mainland. We left and will be back to check on you next month.

-Botan and the others

"What?!! They left without us?!! They couldn't of!" Kuwabara yelled, looking about the camp. It was deserted. Even the ship's life boat was gone.

"They lef' us to die! I'm too young to die!! I bet the tide's gonna come in an' swamp the islan'!!" Tasuki cried in distress.

"Tasuki, shut it. For one, if the tide was going to do that, it would have already done so. Second, you are not going to die. Third, they didn't leave, they're just playing a joke on us." Ranma stopped and seemed to be waiting for something. "I said, they're just playing a joke on us?"

There was no answer.

"They did leave!! Back to the raft, men! We're going seabound! We're going to get home even if it kills us! Then we can haunt those who left us for dead!" he announced.

"Hey! Tha' was my line! I'm the bandit!" Tasuki pouted.

It started to rain.

"I have to tell you... right on time." Ranma said through clenched teeth.

The next day, they awoke to the shining sun and the faces of the people who 'deserted' them.

"You really thought we'd left? Oh, no no no! We had just seen a ship go by and ferried out to ask for a ride to land. They said they'd come back by in two days and we could hitch a ride then." Botan laughed.

The escapees just grumbled and sat around sulking.

Just as they had said, the people returned in two days and the hodgepodge of maniacs climbed gratefully aboard. Within a day, they were back at dock and on their bus home. Sesshó wasn't allowed to drive for everyone's fear that he would send them over a cliff. Sano drove instead, ticket clenched in his fist the whole way back.

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it? I told you all that all we needed was a vacation where we didn't have the annual gore-fest. Maybe you'll listen to me next time." she said with a trademark smile. Then she turned around. "Are any of you listening to me?"

Tamahome looked up from strangling Tasuki, Yusuke held Kuwabara with a fist raise to knock the living crap out of him, Sesshó-Maru had his claws at Inu-Yasha's neck, Ranma was threatening Ryoga with a pail of cold water, Kaoru and Megumi were death glaring each other, Sano and Yahiko were inches from jumping on each other, and Sango and Kagome were about to slap Miroku. This freeze frame lasted about two seconds.

"I THINK WE ALL NEED ANOTHER VACATION!!!" Botan yelled with more than a tinge of anger.


	3. How Was Your Twitch?

Disclaimer: Well, since Ari and I obviously don't own any of this, except for the storyline, and the plot, and the problems, and the- oh, sorry 'bout that. Just read and shut up!

**The Third Incident**

How Was Your Twitch?

By: Luna

"La, la, la!" Joey sang as he walked into the house. He could hear the T.V., so he knew that Kurama was home at least. He walked into the living room to find that his assumptions were correct. "Yo, Kurama! Anyone else home?"

A slight nod told Joey that some of the others were home. He walked into the kitchen to find Hiei and Inu fixing it up. " 'sup?" he asked as he walked over to the fridge.

Inu dove in front of Joey to keep him from opening the fridge. "No."

"Why not?"

"Not until after dinner." Hiei said, half way in the oven, trying to fix it.

"NOOOOO! You can't do this to me! I must eat!" Joey wailed.

Inu sweatdropped.

"You are going to set yourself on fire, that you are." Kenshin said as he took his shoes off at the back door.

"Please do not start this again!" Kurama sighed as he walked into the kitchen to get something to drink.

"Why aren't you in front of the T.V., Mr. Couch Potato?" Inu inquired.

"Commercial." Kurama replied shortly.

"Oh. Hey Inu, where's Sesshó?" Joey said, turning his attention to Inu-Yasha, who had his head wedged behind the fridge.

"I dunno." Inu replied as he pulled his head out from the situation he had gotten himself into. "SESSHÓ!"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!" Sesshó yelled back.

"He's upstairs." Inu said before he shoved his head back behind the fridge.

"Obviously." Hiei said, climbing out of the oven.

"Watch it there… um…. uh…" Inu searched for the words.

"I think you mean wittle one (I'm sorry Ari! I couldn't help myself!)." Kurama offered helpfully. Hiei death glared Kurama. He smiled nervously and edged towards the living room. "Uh… I uh… um… oh look, what do you know? The commercial is over." Kurama ran back into the living room.

"Coward." Hiei said triumphantly as he turned to fix the burner on the stove.

"Like I said before, you are going to set yourself on fire, that you are." Kenshin said as he sat down to clean his sword.

"Hiei." Inu said as he began to wash his hands.

"What… do you want!" Hiei snapped.

Inu slightly pointed above Hiei's head. Hiei didn't have to look up. Joey and Kenshin snickered quietly. Hiei death glared them as he walked over to the sink, filled it with water and dunked his head in.

"Look, wittle Hiei set his hair on fire."(I'm sorry Ari! I did it again!)Sesshó said as he walked down the stairs with a brush in his hand. He continued into the living room, all the while ignoring Hiei's cursing. He sat down on the couch and began brushing his hair. "Kurama?" Sesshó asked.

"Hmmm?" Kurama replied, not looking away from the T.V. "Which direction?"

"I don't care. Just move."

"Okay, okay. I'm going, I'm going." Kurama said as he moved slightly to the left.

"A little more. Keep going. There! Now… where's the remote?" Sesshó asked as he looked around.

"Isn't it obvious?" Kouga said as he walked down the stairs and into the living room straightening his kilt.

"Kilt-boy is here." Nuriko said, following Kouga down the stairs.

"At least I'm not a crossdresser!" Kouga shot back, offended by the insult to his kilt.

"Well, at least I fall in love with my own race!"

"Leave me out of this!" Kagome yelled, having just come inside.

"Yeah, leave her out of this! Besides, do you fall in love with men or women?"

"What do you think?" Nuriko dared Kouga to answer.

"Men?" Kouga asked tentatively. A look from Nuriko set him off. "Nuriko's a homo!"

"No da." Chichiri said as he walked into the living room from who knows where.

"Nuriko's gay!" Inu asked as he came out of the kitchen wiping his hands. Joey and Kenshin followed him. Last was Hiei, who was drying his hair with a towel.

"Nuriko's crooked! Nuriko's crooked! Nuriko's croo-" Kouga chanted.

"I AM NOT GAY! I'M NOT! I'M NOT, NOT, NOT!" Nuriko cried.

"SHUT UP!" Kurama bellowed.

Blink-blink.

"What's going on?" Ranma asked as he and Ryoga walked into the living room.

Stunned silence

Everyone else, having heard the ruckus, came from various places in and around the house to see what was happening.

"What's going on?" Yusuke asked.

"Yeah, what's going on?" some of them asked.

"Was that Kurama?" Nuriko asked.

"He's never done that before." Inu said, scratching his head.

"You do not need to yell so loud, you know." Kurama said, his eyes glued to the T.V. screen.

"Well, that was fun..." Botan broke the silence. She, Keiko and Sango had walked in with Chinese food but they stopped when they saw everyone staring at Kurama.

"Kurama, turn off the T.V. and come eat dinner." Megumi called as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hiei, Inu. Did you fix the kitchen?" Botan asked as she set the food down on the counter.

"You mean the kitchen with its gazillion problems? With its broken oven, fridge, stove, microwave, can opener, toaster, deep fryer, and dishwasher? Yeah, we fixed it." Inu replied as he grabbed six bags of chips from the cupboard.

"All of it! It'd take a week to sort out each problem, a month to fix it, and then we'll have to do it all again!" Hiei yelled.

"Okay! Everyone! Come and eat!" Botan ordered. Everyone got their food and went to various places in the kitchen and dining room.

"Kurama! Turn off the T.V., come, and eat!" Botan yelled. Everyone continued to eat and talk.

"KURAMA! TURN OFF THE T.V. AND GET OUT HERE! YOU NEED TO EAT!" Botan yelled again.

"Did you want something, Botan?" Kurama asked.

Botan jumped around and found herself face to face with Kurama. "Uh… uh, yeah. Eat." Botan said, trying to hide her surprise. She wasn't shocked that he came, and neither was anyone else. Kurama would disappear every now and again and reappear somewhere else (**doing who-knows-what...**). They spent the rest of the night eating and talking.

Drip…drip…drip..

Pitter-patter…pitter-patter…pitter-patter…

Drop…drop…drop…

"Argh!" Hiei groaned as he shoved his blanket into his ears.

Drip…drip…pitter-patter…pitter-patter…drop…drop…

"Yargh!" Kurama groaned as he shoved his head under his pillow.

Drip…pitter patter…drop…drip…pitter patter…drop…

"Hiei! Kurama! Get up!" Inu called up the stairs. "Yusuke! Kuwabara! You too!" The four boys dragged themselves out of bed. Kurama first, then Hiei, then Yusuke, and last was Kuwabara.

Kuwabara, being the klutz that he was, tripped, fell into Yusuke, who fell onto Hiei, who fell into Kurama. Kurama fell forward and collided with Inu. They all hit the ground. As they untangled themselves, Kouga looked into the hallway to see what was going on. He sweatdropped at the sight. "You know, if any of the girls see you like that, they might think you were crooked like Nuriko." he told them as they untangled themselves.

"I AM NOT GAY!" Nuriko yelled from the dining room.

"Yes you are!" Kouga replied as he walked back into the kitchen.

"Kuwabara, you're such an idiot." Inu said as he pulled himself out from underneath Kurama. Kurama then heaved Hiei and Yusuke off of him and he stood up. Hiei was practically flattened by Yusuke and Kuwabara because of his small size (no offense, Ari).

"If you were any more engulfed by stupidity, _I_ would kill you out of _pity_." Hiei snapped, the last one to get up.

They all walked into the kitchen and each of them sat down in various locations. Sango gave each of them a cup of coffee. While Yusuke, Kurama, and Hiei drank their coffee, Kuwabara tried his hardest not to fall asleep.

"Tasuki, Miroku! Get up!" Inu called up the stairs.

Slowly, everyone filed out of his/her bedroom and into the kitchen. They all got some form of caffeinated drink. The rain ended after a few hours and everyone's spirits seemed to rise. However, the commotion of the day started around twelve noon.

"AHHHH!" Botan screamed from the kitchen.

"What? What's wrong?" Tamahome asked as he skidded into the kitchen. (**hopefully not on his back like I did the other day. Luna, you were there, right? I ran into the kitchen and fell...**)

"Look!" Botan pointed from on top of the counter. Tamahome looked and saw a little flea.

"A flea?" he asked.

"Don't just stand there. KILL IT! KILL IT!" she shrieked.

Tamahome stepped on it. He and Botan watched it for a few seconds until it shocked them both by popping back into 3-D. It hopped away from the kitchen before Tamahome could step on it again, then into the living room and landed on Inu-Yasha. He didn't notice it as it started to suck his blood. Inu instinctively squished it. He looked down at it as it popped back into 3-D again.

"Lord Inu-Yasha!" it squeaked.

"Well, well. If it isn't Myoga the flea." Inu stated with resentment.

"INU-YASHA!" Botan screamed.

Gulp

"Is this supposed to be some sort of sick joke or what? Did you think it was funny?" Botan deathglared Inu.

"No, no. Not at all. I really didn't know he was here. Or coming, for that matter..." Inu insisted.

"Lord Sesshó-Maru? Where are you?" a little green toad/chicken asked as he walked into the living room.

"EEEEEEK!" Keiko screamed.

Sesshó dropped his brush, jumped up, grabbed the toad's staff, and whacked him over the head with it. "Jaken! What are you doing here?"

"Sesshó!" Keiko yelled. Sesshó turned around and found Keiko and Botan death glaring him.

"Botan. Don't y-" Miroku started.

"Shut up! Because Inu-Yasha and Sesshó-Maru are having fun scaring the girls, all of the boys-yes, I said _all_ of the boys-will clean the yard and the house."

"But, but-" Yusuke complained.

"No buts! Now, go get tools out of the shed or get stuff out of the closet." Botan said.

"Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei, Kurama…yard. Ranma, Ryoga… house. Inu, Sesshó, Kouga… yard. Miroku, Sano, Yahiko…house. Kenshin, Kaiba…yard. Yugi, Tristan, Joey…house. Tamahome, Tasuki…yard. Chichiri…house. Nuriko…yard." Keiko read off.

"I thought you said just the boys." Nuriko complained.

"Shut up, Nuriko. Come over here and help us." Inu said as he got up from his seat.

"Yeah, Nuriko. Would you rather clean out the closet?" (Hint, hint, nudge, nudge. You get it Ari? **Not really, so you'd better tell me... death glare**) Kouga taunted as he got up, straightening his kilt.

"Ha ha. Not funny." Nuriko said as he flipped his hair.

"Stop, please. Everyone knows Kurama is the master at hair-flipping." Kuwabara snorted.

Kurama smacked him upside the head. "I am proud of it." Half of the boys twitched. (There it is. The first twitch of the chapter.)

"Get working!" Botan yelled. They all jumped up and ran outside.

Ranma rummaged through the closet looking for junk. He mumbled to himself the entire time. Sano walked in and began making the bed. Ranma turned around with a huge armload of old clothes, magazines, books, and other things.

"Geez, Kuwabara has way to much junk in here." Ranma said as he shoved everything into the trash can he had brought upstairs.

Sano was fluffing the pillows. He picked up one of the pillows **(an anonymous green frilly pillow, mind you)**, and instead of fluffing it, threw it at Ranma. He fell backwards into the hallway. Ryoga, Yahiko, and Chichiri peered out from Inu's room.

Ranma got back up and flung the pillow back into the bedroom. Seconds later, he was back in the hallway. Again, Ranma flung the pillow back into the bedroom. Ryoga, Yahiko and Chichiri sweatdropped. They went back to working. Ryoga slid under the bed and began throwing stuff into a pile near the door, or where he thought the door was... Chichiri was making the bed while Yahiko organized the closet.

"Boys!" Botan yelled from the bottom of the stairs. All the guys froze. "Boys!" Botan called again.

"Y-yes, Botan?" Tristan stuttered.

"Are you done yet?"

"Almost."

"Good." The entire group breathed sighs of relief as they continued to clean the house.

The boys walked into the shed. Yusuke looked around and then picked up three pairs of gloves. He dug deeper in the pile of tools and found gardening supplies. "Tamahome, Tasuki, Nuriko. You garden." Yusuke said as he handed the gardening supplies to them.

Hiei glanced around and found two brooms. " Inu, Sesshó. You can sweep." Inu snorted as he took the brooms. He handed one to Sesshó.

Kouga picked up a weed whacker. "I'll go after the weeds." Kenshin picked up two rakes and handed them to Kurama and Hiei.

"Kenshin. You know how teh work a lawnmower?" Tasuki asked.

"O-of course I do..." Kenshin replied nervously.

"Sure you do..." Tasuki rolled his eyes and began explaining the lawnmower. They filed out into the yard and began working. Around 1:30 they were still working, but the rain had made the ground easy to work with.

"Geez, I'm so tired." Inu whined.

"Quit complaining." Sesshó replied, chucking a mudball at Inu-Yasha.

"Oh, so you want to have a mudball war, hmm? You're on!" Inu yelled, scooping up a handful of mud. In mere moments, everyone working outside was involved. The mud was everywhere, and the guys were not a pretty sight.

"Hehehehe." everyone looked around to see who was laughing. "Hehehehe."

"Who is that?" Kurama asked.

"Dunno." Inu replied.

"Look what we have here." someone said. Everyone looked around. They found themselves facing at two demons.

"Hello Naraku, Kagura." Sesshó said as he looked down from embarrassment.

"Hello, Fluffy." Naraku replied.

"Who's that?" Yusuke whispered to Inu-Yasha.

"It's Naraku and Kagura. Naraku killed Kikyo a long time ago so he could get the Shikon-no-Tama." Inu replied.

"THAT'S A MAN!" Yusuke yelled, bewildered.

"I know. I look like a woman. It was a terrible childhood accident…" Sesshó and Inu twitched.

"Naraku. It's alright." Kagura said, trying to comfort him.

"Question. How can both of you be here if you're an incarnation of him?" Kouga asked Kagura.

"Long story, but technically I am his offspring." the wind demon replied.

"Boys!" Botan yelled from the front porch.

"Y-yes, Botan?" Nuriko asked.

"Lunch is ready! What in the--you all had better be clean when you come in, unless you want to spend the next week scouring the floors..." Botan smiled and she turned around and went inside.

"Have fun." Naraku said as he and Kagura continued to walk down the street. The guys hosed off obsessively, put their stuff away, and walked inside to eat lunch.

"Everyone! I have an announcement to make!" Botan gushed cheerfully. Everyone stopped eating and looked at her. "Because of our last trip, everyone remembers the cruise, I presume? I have marked our calendars for another vacation."

"Where will we be going this time?" Yugi asked.

"Well, I'll give you three clues." Everyone nodded and exchanged nervous glances. "It's cold there. We get lessons for something that you can only do when it's cold and we're going to a place in the snow." Botan said, a mischievous grin on her face.

"Uh-oh." some of them said.

"Don't tell me we're going to learn to-" Yugi started.

"Yep." she chirped.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone yelled…..


End file.
